Standard Adventurers' Test

NAME: ___________________________________________
AGE: _____________________________________________
RACE: ____________________________________________
FATHER’S NAME: _________________________________
FATHER’S OCCUPATION: _________________________

By continuing past this point, you are consenting to be placed under the effect of a Zone of Truth spell. All the answers to follow will be answered truthfully and honestly to the utmost of your ability. Please copy and paste your answers into an email and send it to the District Manager (DM), at GlennRauch@gmail.com. Qualified applicants will be passed along to Mr. Stonehold.

Part I – Multiple Choice

1) Alec the Fighter is commanding a standard four-man scout mission in neutral territory when he crests a hill and finds himself face to face with four-score Hobgoblin soldiers. He should:
A) Surrender in the face of impossible odds. “A slave’s life is better than gruesome death.”
B) Tell his men to pray to whatever God they serve, and then launch a forward assault. “Glorious death in battle ensures glory in the afterlife.”
C) Negotiate a fee for safe passage with the highest-ranking Hobgoblin. “Yes, you could kill us and take ALL our gold, but how many of your men will we kill before you do? We will pay you 200 gold pieces to let us pass with no bloodshed. That’s a win for all of us.”
D) Bluff that reinforcements are just over the next hill and will crush these Hobgoblins unless they flee. “If I blow this horn, 300 mounted Northmen will come for you from just over that ridge.”
E) Challenge the Hobgoblins to name a Champion to face him in single-combat. “If I defeat your Champion, you will let us all pass. If I am defeated, we surrender.”
F) Run away. “Four men alone move quicker than four-score. Get to the treeline and then meet at the river.”
G) Identify the highest-ranking Hobgoblin and have his best archer try to cut the head off the snake. “The one with the fancy helm. Put an arrow in his throat, Elf.”


2) When encountering an armed force flying an unknown flag for the first time you should immediately:
A) Open fire with every weapon at your disposal.
B) Demand their immediate surrender.
C) Hide and observe.
D) Remove your armor and drop your weapons as a gesture of goodwill.
E) B then A.
F) Run away.
G) None of the above.


3) Before rowing ashore to an unexplored island for the first time you should be sure to:
A) Check your trail rations and water supply.
B) Maintain your weapons and armor / Prepare your daily spells.
C) Update your life insurance coverage.
D) A then B.
E) B then A.
F) Row away.
G) C then D.


4) You’re marooned on an uncharted island with no weapons and a killer Iron Golem out for your blood. You should:
A) None of the below.
B) Gather basic ingredients to make gun powder and fashion a cannon from vines and sticks.
C) Drop a big rock on it and shout “Hasta la vista, baby!”
D) Roll in the mud to camouflage yourself, then hide until you can signal a ship for rescue.
E) Climb a tree, flap your arms wildly, and scream “Tweet-tweet” at the top of your lungs in order to mimic the mating behavior of the Ruby-throated Swinefalcon as a diversionary tactic.
F) Build a raft and float away.
G) E then F.


5) You’re searching a cave system with a partner. He moves into the next chamber, and then you notice his face is turning blue and he is clutching wildly at his throat. This is a sure sign that:
A) You will soon need a new partner.
B) In a burst of creative insight, he has created a new dance called “The Choke”.
C) He is suffering from a vitamin deficiency and needs to eat more leafy green vegetables.
D) There is poisonous gas in the cavern ahead.
E) You should have brought a canary, or some other small animal to send into chambers ahead of you.
F) You should run away.
G) A, D, E, and F.


6) To ensure that your companions’ meals are cooked thoroughly you should:
A) Wrap everything in chainmail armor and throw it directly on the fire.
B) Cook each meal until thoroughly black.
C) Put a live rat in with each meal so you can more easily determine when it is done.
D) Forget cooking and settle for cold bread and cheese every meal.
E) Seal each piece of food in an iron crucible: When it glows, it’s ready.
F) Run away.
G) Pay close attention, keep all edibles about 8 inches from open flame, and rotate food items frequently.


7) Greeb the Goblin robs a merchant in Waterdeep at Midnight, and flees the city on a pony. If he starts out with a 105-lb pack, how long will it take him to reach Baldur’s Gate if he and the pony eat five pounds of food per day between them?
A) 19.3 Days
B) 27.5 Days
C) 193.0 Days
D) He will never reach Baldur’s Gate: The roads are too dangerous, he’ll surely be killed.
E) He will never reach Baldur’s Gate: He will be arrested and executed for his crimes.
F) He’ll get there faster if the horse runs the whole way.
G) A common thief goblin is beneath my concern.


8) If you are being chased by a hungry dragon, how fast do you have to run to ensure your safety?
A) 22.8 MPH.
B) 228 MPH.
C) Running is overrated, I would hide.
D) Running is overrated, I would stand and fight.
E) That depends on whether it’s a Metallic or Chromatic Dragon.
F) Cast Expeditious Retreat, then run away!
G) Faster than whoever is with me.


9) What is an example of a “fuzzy boundary?”
A) The area in between two established city-states that is not clearly under the governmental rule of either.
B) The territory loosely considered to be controlled by a ruler or faction when their actual influence over the area is in name only.
C) The place where a receding hairline gives way to bare scalp.
D) The point at which the marginal utility of trying to squeeze the last bit of spell components from the pouch is offset by the opportunity cost of going to the store for a new one.
E) The area that is under the protection of the kingdom, but still has monsters coming out of the forest at night.
F) The divide between running away and running away really fast.
G) A natural feature between two ruling powers that both claim to control.


10) To successfully accomplish a manual magical reintegration bypass on a standard magic rod unit you should:
A) Reverse the spectral polarity.
B) Jiggle the handle.
C) Pray fervently to whatever deity you happen to believe in.
D) C then B.
E) Inscribe the proper rune matrix on a clay tablet, allow the clay to dry, then smash the tablet with the rod.
F) Run away
G) Inscribe the proper rune matrix on a piece of parchment, wrap the rod in parchment, then burn the parchment.


Part II – Essay

Please respond to the following prompt:

Noted conservative political theorist Eileen Tudor-Wright famously remarked: “Anyone who wants to hunt monsters for a living must have experienced some terrible trauma in their past.”

In your opinion, please explain if this statement is true or false, and why. Please feel free to refer to well-known Adventurers, as well as your own life experiences.


Part III – Short Answer

1) What position at Monsters Inc. do you feel best suited to fill and why?

2) Do you have a criminal record of any kind?

3) Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

4) How much schooling have you had? What did you learn?

5) While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.

6) As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

7) What is your most treasured possession?

8) What is your greatest fear?

9) What is your greatest regret?

10) Where do you see yourself in five years?

11) What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

12) What are your views on religion? Do you actively worship?

13) Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, which ones? How often? Under what circumstances?

14) Briefly describe a time where you had to collaborate with someone else to complete a complex task.

15) Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?

16) What is the most dangerous thing you ever killed? What happened? How did you kill it?

17) Is there anything at all you will absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? What is it? Why?

18) Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?

19) Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

20) When you die, who, if anyone, would miss you? Would this person or people have the means to employ investigators, lawyers, or mercenaries?


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Thank you for your application to Monster’s, Inc.

Please be sure to include your area of expertise, AC, Saves, and Passive Perception on your final answer sheet when you turn it in.

Mr. Stonehold will get back to you soon.

Standard Adventurers' Test

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